The more I study Malta, the more I am convinced that these islands are the victim of a conspiracy, a conspiracy to denigrate them, to convince the rest of Europe that this country amounts to no more than an insignificant bunch of backward, insular bumpkins, unworthy of being taken seriously by any real nations. Sadly, this conspiracy would appear to be led by Malta’s own Establishment, the elected MPs, the Government, the civil service, the all-too-many official and semi-official organisations, associations, quangos, ngos, self-appointed experts and all the rest of these bodies that infest this nation of 400,000 souls.

Readers will, I hope, note that - for once - I am not simply blaming the government alone. I could, because they should be giving the country a lead. But the truth is that in a civilised modern democracy all the other institutions and associations should be ensuring that the government does govern … properly! It is what is known in such democracies as The Establishment.

As I said in my last contribution, the unpalatable fact is that the vast majority of Malta’s “authorities” are too busy behaving like a hippopotamus’s backside – spreading their message as far and wide as they can to mark out their own territory – to do the job which the Maltese people expect, and need, of them. And Malta deserves better than that.

How else can any reasonable individual explain the events of the past week or so?

Take public transport, for example. Twenty-odd years ago, in the heyday of Margaret Thatcher in the UK, one of her favourite ministers, Norman Tebbit, rejoiced in the not-entirely unaffectionate soubriquet of being the government’s “semi house-trained polecat.” If there is a minister in the gonzipin government who has aspired to the same status, it would have to be Mr Gatt. Yet, his recent dealings with the suppliers of Malta’s ‘bus services (services?? you have got to be kidding!!) have revealed him to be rather less of a ruthless attack dog and rather more of a toothless lap dog.

Minister Gatt’s “solution” to the dilemma of introducing a half-decent modern bus service to Malta is to buy up all the older ‘buses at 103,000 euroes each: 103,000 euroes for every clapped-out, wheezy, smelly, noxious-fume-emitting, useless, traffic-blocking wrecks on Malta’s roads (to say nothing of their drivers to match). He also proposes to buy all the newer ones (?) - as in up to five years old – for 123,000 euroes. Bully for him! He ain’t half cavalier with Maltese people’s money!

Having dismissed the older ‘buses for what they are – rubbish – let’s look at the deal on these so-called newer vehicles. To start with, none of them could have cost 123,000 euroes new (unless they were bought by idiots – which isn’t impossible, this being Malta). Most of them, if not all, were bought with the help of more-than-generous central government subsidies. So here we have vehicles bought with the help of government subsidies, all of which have been run with the help of government subsidies for several years, now being bought back by the same government at prices far in excess of their current market value.





Minister Gatt of course argues that all of this expenditure is justified by the fact that ‘bus owners and drivers are entitled to compensation for giving up their licences and their vehicles. No, Austin old boy, compensation is one thing but when you have given the clapped-out, wheezy, smell old relics a guarantee of 10 years’ further employment, you are not talking about compensation, you’re confessing to buying them off.

Then we come to that other bunch of pot-bellied, builders’-bummed would-be Rambos, Malta’s very own would-be nimrods, the hunting fraternity (may they shoot themselves in their own private parts for eternity).

As I write, it does look as if gonzipin is preparing to cave in to the local Neanderthals and decide- despite all the messages that have been delivered en clair by the EU – to open a spring hunting season this year.

What does it take to get the message into the thick skulls of the Maltese Establishment - a surgical operation???

Malta has lost this one. End of story. Forget rights and wrongs, forget all the convoluted quasi-legal and spurious arguments put forward by ‘ubert’s ‘orrible ‘unters and that other useless lot whose acronym even I daren’t put forward in a family read publication. Just one birdlife organisation, the Royal Society for the Protection of Birds, has over one million members and if the speck of rock thinks it can afford to make that many enemies, then you really are beyond redemption.

If all that wasn’t enough, there is the continued kow-towing to the construction magnates, for no better reason than they provide jobs to the otherwise unemployable, to the police because allowing proper legal representation might inhibit “Malta’s finest” from getting convictions (not that they get too many when it matters), to the judicial system when it continues to set all sorts of world records in the length of time it takes to arrive at decisions, and to every and all bodies with “authority” in their names – because to the Maltese government, “authority” is equivalent to used toilet tissue.

What really fascinates me is how any government, any establishment, can cave in to so many bullying loud-mouths and still sleep at nights. The answer is, of course, plain. Gonzipin’s government sleeps like a baby … wetting itself regularly and wailing for its mummy.